Haunted Princess
by Crimson White
Summary: Susan's encounter with Rabadash is remembered as a fairytale. But for those who lived it, the terrifying memories still create havoc, thirteen hundred years later.
1. Chapter 1

All characters belong to C S Lewis.

This fic is certainly a lot darker than my other two. It will probably only be two chapters but I'm still writing out the second.

Thanks again to those who reviewed Being an Elder Sibling, though if you liked that one because of its light and fluffiness, this one might surprise you.

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The first time Caspian tried to attract the attention of the Gentle Queen he realised that someone, a man, in her past had hurt her deeply.

He had commented on her delicate hands, observing their slim fingers and dainty nails and laughed as he confided to her that those small hands scared him very much, as they could shoot the leaf off of an apple a hundred feet away when in possession of a bow and arrow. Susan had laughed with him, blushing slightly. It was when he had reached for her hand and took it gently in his own larger, rougher one, that she stiffened. He had watched, slightly hurt, as her eyes flickered to their joined fingers and she drew in a shocked breath. Hastily she had withdrawn her hand, her eyes darting everywhere but to his face.

_The feel of his hand on her arm had created a tingling in the pit of her stomach. The darkness of his skin contrasted sharply with the whiteness of hers. Susan found she quite liked the look of his hand on her arm. She quite liked the look in his eye as he smiled down at her. She quite liked the way he grinned at her, like they shared a secret. She quite liked the flowery words he tossed her way so easily. She felt beautiful. And even though her sister was giving her warning looks from a few meters away, Susan smiled up at the Prince of Calormene and allowed him to walk her to her throne. _

"I have to go. Peter is calling me."

And she had disappeared into the woods seconds later. Caspian encountered Peter later that eve. He had never called his younger sister that afternoon.

He wasn't sure at first, he thought maybe she was just shy, or that, heaven forbid; she wasn't interested in him at all. But then he would catch her soft gaze whilst practising swordplay with her brothers as she watched from under the shade of a nearby tree. She was interested; she was just terrified of him whenever he drew too close.

He tried harder. Tried to make her see that he wasn't whoever had hurt her. He talked with her for hours, practised archery, made her help him with his aim, his stance, anything to get her to touch him with those delicate hands. At times everything would seem normal, great, wonderful, but then he would reach out a hand to return a touch and she would stiffen and disappear, often to the safety and protective presence of her brothers.

_She had danced all night, her feet ached terribly. But Susan could not wipe the smile off of her face. All night he had pursued her, chasing her relentlessly through the throngs of men who all clamoured for a favoured smile. It was thrilling, their dejected faces, as she accepted his dance request over and over. Peter had cautioned her against displaying too much sudden affection earlier in the eve but Susan felt truly alive when she danced with him, there was nothing in the world save he and her. He made her forget the pressures of being the eldest queen for just a few minutes. What thrilled her most was the easy affection he displayed, a casual touch to the shoulder, a caress of her palm, a whisper against her cheek. Shivers chased each other down her spine. _

One eve, as he walked the edges of the How, contemplating his latest failure (he had gallantly asked the Gentle Lady for an evening walk, she had stared at him with wide eyes before her youngest brother jumped in and told her that Lucy had been asking for her a few moments ago), he was confronted by a rather distressed and angry older brother.

King Peter stared hard at him for a moment and Caspian tried to stand firm under his gaze.

_The harried looking messenger presented the High King with a crumpled note. Peter bid the falcon rest and the bird gratefully departed. It was Lucy's writing that Peter instantly recognised. His heart sank. Lucy would never write her brother while campaigning, unless of a dire emergency._

_My King,_

_Having arrived in Calormene, your beloved sister and brother found themselves in a most dire situation. The question of marriage had to be answered in the positive, else they be kept as prisoners indefinitely and Narnia be forced to wage war against Calormene. Do not fear just yet, dear Tumnus has proven himself a most worthy friend and given us hope with a successful plan of escape. They sail at this very moment homeward to the Cair. _

_Please ride home with haste, Edmund is expected to dock on the eve, however I have received word of 200 soldiers approaching the city of Anvard with murderous intentions. _

_I ride out to aid our friends. But pray beloved brother, that Susan is returned to us well and that we may bring the vengeance of Aslan on the Prince in the morn._

_In Faith,_

_Your loving sister, _

_Queen Lucy._

_King Peter crushed the letter in his palm. Why had he allowed his sister to depart when he had been so preoccupied with the giants? He had known something like this would happen. He had seen the way Susan had been so easily won over by the foreign prince's charm and flattery. If only he had paid her more attention, addressed the matter of giving an Heir himself instead of allowing her to feel the pressure of their people's expectations. Perhaps then she would not have so easily fell for the devil of a man. _

_He had failed._

_What on earth had Susan been forced to go through, trapped in foreign country with a mad man desperately and dangerously infatuated with her? _

_He had failed to protect her as he had promised his mother all those years ago._

"Look, I know you're interested in her, you've not been trying to hide it. Generally, I stay out of Su's business; she hates it when I talk to suitors." Here Peter took a deep breath and clenched his teeth as he restrained his obvious anger. "But you're making her uncomfortable, I can see that, so just stop it, keep away from her, you don't know what she's been through."

"Does she detest my presence?" Caspian challenged, not wanting to give up on the spark between he and the young queen. King Peter's jaw hardened.

"No, she doesn't, but she's not sleeping because being around _you_ brings back memories of _him_, and that brings back the nightmares. Just leave her alone, for all our sakes!"

Caspian felt a surge of triumph; he had been right about the Queen. "So it _was_ a him, I knew it! I knew someone had hurt her. What did he do? She shies from my touch, I want to know why."

_Susan smiled demurely as the Prince wrapped a strong hand around her waist. Peter would get so angry if her saw the Prince taking such liberties, but Susan was pleased at his affection, it made her feel powerful. They had arrived in Calormene this morn and so far, their stay had been entirely enjoyable. Susan's smile abruptly disappeared as the Prince pulled her close tightly and buried his nose in between her shoulder and neck, inhaling deeply and ghosting his lips along her pale skin. She shied away from his suddenly out of character invasive action. His eyes darkened and his fingers tightened on her wrist at her refusal. Susan's heart began to beat erratically. There was no affection in his eyes any longer. His grip on her arm was controlling this situation. She had no power at all. This was not the man that had visited her home. He saw the confusion in her eyes and smiled cruelly._

"_Welcome to my home, barbarian Queen. Here you will find that women, even noble women, are treated as their birth right dictates. You are mine."_

_The words were cold, possessive, they sent a different type of shiver down Susan's spine. She pried her hand out of his clenching grip. It could not be true, he could not have pretended so well, perhaps he was tired, best leave him and see how he was in the morning._

"_I hear my brother calling; I will depart with regret, my Prince."_

_Her words were false, as was his returning smile. Susan sped away, her hands shaking._

It was probably Caspian's excited and enthused response that had been the last straw for the high strung High King and he landed a solid punch to the Prince's jaw.

"You shouldn't be touching her anyway! Just keep your hands to yourself!" Peter growled and with a last quelling glare, stalked away.

Caspian stood gasping for a few moments, his jaw aching horribly and stars swimming before his eyes. He had not meant offense, merely he was excited that he now definitely knew that something in the Queen's past was haunting her and preventing her from returning his affection. Now that he knew, he might be able to help her get past it.

Susan clucked at his swollen cheek the next morning over the breakfast table and laughed lightly when he told her he had miss-stepped and ploughed into the How's wall.

Peter glowered at him openly for the entire meal.

Two nights later, a long time past midnight, he encountered little Queen Lucy. She was sitting silently on the How's large stone entrance, her feet dangling over the edge.

"What are you doing?" he asked her.

Lucy smiled faintly but didn't turn to look at him. She watched a figure that was pacing the field below; moonlight was shimmering on the person's dark curls and silhouetting her slim figure.

"Watching over her." Lucy answered.

_Susan had returned in good health, but retired to her rooms and stayed there alone, until Lucy barged her way in. She had found Susan, immaculate Gentle Queenly Susan, sitting on the bathroom floor, wrapped loosely in her bathrobe, crying heart wrenching sobs. Her skin was unnaturally red, as if she had tried to scrub away the memories. Susan glanced up at Lucy, her eyes bleak. _

_Lucy sank to her knees, water soaking her silken dress, and wrapped her sister in her arms. Susan's sobs renewed, her hands clutching at Lucy's shoulders as she continuously cried out her sorrow. _

Caspian sat beside the little queen, his eyes riveted on her older sister. Susan paced angrily to and fro, her hands fretting with the folds of her dress. They could hear her angry mutterings from their ledge. Caspian could not see them, but heard the tears in her hitching breaths. With an anguished moan, Susan finally sunk to her knees in the grass and dropped her head to her hands. Caspian made a move to get up and go to her. But Lucy grabbed his hands and stayed his movements.

"Not you. You can't go to her when she's like this." She said firmly.

"But who –"

"Just wait." Came the curt reply.

_The table was set beautifully, laden with heavy, rich foods. It made Susan's stomach clench. He stared at her hungrily. Susan knew it was not food he was after. She had tried to beg off this dinner, tried to call sick, tried to delay, tried everything, but he had insisted she come._

"_Dance with me." _

_It was not a question. He pulled her up from the table and into his arms. The smile which had made her quiver with happiness now made her shake with nerves. She didn't like the look in his eye. Over her shoulder he nodded to the servants and one by one they obediently filed out. One young girl caught her frightened gaze. She longed to call for her, plead with her to stay._

_She clenched her eyes shut as his breath moved down her neck, his hands sliding down her waist. _

"_Surely a little taste, before we are wed, my wife?" He whispered._

_Susan pushed him away. "Let me go." _

_He grabbed her wrists tightly and dragged her closer. "Never. You're my barbarian prize." He pressed his mouth to her hands, grazing his teeth up her arms._

"_You will wed me, for what other choice do you have? If you do not comply I will slew your brother, the little king, and send his head to the High King."_

_Susan fought against his clammy hands, her breath coming in gasps, if she didn't escape soon, she didn't know what he would do._

"_Peter will wage war against your nation until every drop of your blood is shed."_

_The Prince laughed cruelly._

"_What a silly little girl you are, your beauty all gone to your head, thinking you were a worthy queen. Look at the position you have placed your country in. To rescue you, they will have to declare war against the greatest empire in the world. Each and every citizen will suffer for your foolishness. Surely a worthy Queen would not have fallen for a few false smiles and a few carefully planned touches."_

_Susan's heart sank and she felt herself trip over his feet and landing hard on the floor. He jeered at her and suddenly Susan knew what he planned. Tears rose to her eyes unbidden. She had brought his upon herself. Her girlish affections, her silly notions of love, her need to feel desired and wanted had led her here, with a despicable man leaning over her, holding her down as he reached for her dress._

From the How came Edmund, his steps quick as he dashed to his older sister. He grabbed her shoulders in a hug. Caspian was surprised at the sudden ferocity in which Susan fought at the hold.

_Of course she had struggled. She had struggled something fierce. But he was far stronger and one sharp hit to her head was enough to make her feel drowsy. Susan closed her eyes, determined not to look at him and give him the satisfaction of knowing he had broken her. _

_Suddenly, there was a shout and the weight over her lifted as something heavy fell into them with a crash. Susan opened her eyes and burst into relieved tears. _

_Edmund had arrived just in time. He was now grappling with the Prince on the ground. They separated with a yell and Edmund drew his sword. The Prince stared up at him from the ground, panting from their struggle._

"_You wouldn't make it out of here alive, if you killed me, little king." He taunted._

_Edmund hesitated, his face was astonishingly white, his knuckles clenched so tight around his sword, Susan thought the thing would snap. Finally he whirled and grabbed Susan. She clung to him, her life line, her saviour. Her little brother. His strength was her protection, his hands the only thing holding her upright at this moment. The prince stared after her with lust filled eyes._

"_Till our wedding day, barbarian."_

_Susan mused at the irony of his words._

"Susan! Su it's me, it's Edmund, it's _Edmund_!" Edmund yelled over his sister's struggles. Susan twisted in his tight grip and stared up at his face. There was a tense moment before Susan's bearings came to her.

"Ed?" she asked in a tiny voice and when he nodded, with a great gasp fell against her little brother. Her renewed sobs were muffled on the young king's shoulder

'What happened to her?" Caspian breathed into the still night, watching Edmund sink to the grass with his sister and cradle her protectively. Even as the elder sibling, she suddenly seemed very small in his arms.

Lucy merely shook her head and raised herself to her feet. "We don't speak of it any longer. What's done is done." Lucy disappeared and a few minutes later reappeared in the moonlight, making tracks for her older sister. Caspian watched, concealed in the dark as Lucy sank down next to her brother and rocked her older sister.

The next morning, Susan was absent from the breakfast table. When Lucy entered the room she gave her brothers a small shake of her head. Peter frowned into his porridge. Edmund stared into the distance angrily.

"DAMN HIM!" he suddenly shouted, slamming his hand down on the table. Lucy and Caspian jumped. Peter merely placed a hand on his younger brother's shoulder to calm him.

"How dare he remain, thirteen hundred years later? How dare he continue to torture her like this?" Edmund threw off his brother's hand and paced restlessly.

"I wish he were still alive so that I could go and challenge him to a duel. I would challenge him to avenge my sister's sanity!" He rounded on Caspian.

"You leave her alone, you hear me? It's your ruddy fault the memories are coming back! It was getting better till you started prancing around in front of her."

"Edmund!" Lucy gasped.

"It's true! I've seen him giving her his little mooncalf eyes and she smiles back, and then she hesitates and I can see it all flooding back into her mind. I can see the memories flood her mind and I can remember them too!"

_Edmund led Susan hurriedly through the over splendidly decorated halls of the palace. Eventually they came to his room and he half pulled, half carried her distraught body through the door. He locked it deftly behind him and caught her as she fell to the ground, her legs jellylike, the adrenaline leaving her and shock setting in. Edmund could hear the thundering of his own heart racing in his ears. Surely he had arrived in time. Surely the servant's tip off had made him arrive in time. Please Aslan, let him have arrived on time. He grasped Susan's face between his shaking hands._

"_Susan." She didn't look at him; she wasn't even crying, just staring at the ground and taking deep shuddering breaths._

"_Susan, please, Susan did he –" he couldn't even say it. The thought was unbearable._

"_SUSAN." The terror in his voice made her look up at him. _

"_Edmund?"_

"_Yes, Susan it's me, it's Edmund. Susan you have to tell me – did he or didn't he touch you? Did I get there in time?"_

"_Edmund?" her voice had become strangely childlike, her hands clenching in his shirt powerfully._

"_Yes! Susan, please, Susan just tell me!" he gave her a little shake._

_Susan stared at him and suddenly, Edmund saw the tears well in her eyes again. Oh Aslan, he had been too late. He bowed his head to her shoulder, his own tears coming._

"_No."_

_Edmund actually thought his heart might have skipped a beat with joy._

"_No, he didn't touch you?"_

"_No, no he didn't get far enough, you stopped him." She said. A great shudder came over her body. "Oh Aslan, what have I done?"_

"_What have you done? Susan don't be ridiculous, it is NOT your fault."_

"_But he'll kill you Ed, if I don't marry him, he said he'll kill you and send your head to Peter! I've killed us all! I've brought ruin to Narnia. My foolishness, my failings have brought ruin to my people. Oh Aslan forgive me."_

_Edmund tightened his grip on his sister and closed his eyes, bowing his head to rest on hers._

"_Don't worry Su, we'll think of something, have faith in Aslan, for he will never forsake us."_

Edmund snapped his mouth shut, his chest heaving with emotion, face stark white. Lucy had tears in her eyes and pushed away her plate with a loud clank in the sudden silence. Peter in contrast had gone a deep burgundy colour and the way he eyed Caspian made the Prince gulp. But still his mind worked.

It had to have been something horrible, to upset the logical queen so. There was really only one such thing that he could think of that a man could do to a woman that could create such damage. But it was unthinkable.

"I have the purest intentions, I swear, my kings. I want to help." Caspian said hesitantly.

"Then leave her alone!" Edmund retorted, suddenly whirling back to the Prince.

"Perhaps, whatever it is, she needs to speak of it. To exorcise the demons, the memories." He tentatively answered.

"No! We don't speak of it. She requested that we don't bring it up."

_The fanfare as Peter arrived home was heard all the way in Susan's chambers. She waited for her elder brother's visit, for she knew nothing would keep him away, just as she knew that Edmund would tell him what he had interrupted, the night before they had snuck away on the Splendour Hyaline. When he did appear, he said nothing at first just took her into his arms and held her tight. When he pulled away, Susan saw the worry in his eyes and she was ashamed. How selfish she had been, to place her country in such a precarious position. Peter would never do such a thing. She felt unworthy to be his sister. Unworthy to sit beside him enthroned._

"_I don't want to talk about it."_

_He hesitated, but her stubborn eyes and tilt to her chin made him nod._

"_If that's what you want. If that's what you think is best."_

"_I do. I just want to forget."_

"Can't you see that you're making it worse?" challenged Peter in a low voice.

There was a strained silence. Edmund sat down again abruptly and pushed his food around his plate. Lucy tucked her hair behind her ears with nervousness and Peter stared stonily at the table top. Caspian suddenly understood that it affected them too. This was something with which they could not help. The Kings could not challenge the problem to a fight or banish it from their sight. Lucy could not sooth the memories with a comforting smile and hug. They saw Susan's suffering as their own failure to protect her. But it was Susan's battle alone.

"I just want to help." Caspian said softly. He knew they could not go on like this. Narnia was in too much disarray without her monarch's having their own problems.

"I _will_ help" he reaffirmed and stood from the table. He left the kings and queen of old sitting in a miserable silence.

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So what did you think of the first part? Obviously it deals with some very sensitive subjects and I struggled for a while with how to set the story out. Anyone who is really good with tense want to give me a review on my tense use? I struggled also with that during writing this chapter for some reason.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the reviews guys, I hope this chapter lives up to the first.

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First, he had to let her know that he was not giving up. Ever.

He cornered her whilst she was practising in the archery glade. He made sure her arrow points were not aimed in his direction before approaching her.

"Good eve, Queen Susan."

"Good Eve, Prince Caspian." She returned amicably. Her eyes were bright as she smiled at him happily, lowering her bow and waiting for him to approach. Caspian watched her carefully. Twenty feet between them and she continued smiling. Fifteen feet between them and her smile faltered. Five feet between them and he saw her fingers tighten on her bow string and her eyes grow wary. He stopped.

Caspian stood in silence for a moment, taking in her presence. He noticed that she hesitated before regaining her usual smile and waiting for him to speak.

_The first time Susan had seen him, his eyes had already been upon her. So intense was his gaze that long before she saw him, she felt his presence. Across the room, he smiled as their eyes connected. She hesitated, before smiling at the foreign prince. Seconds later, he was at her side. How she regretted that smile now._

"You are looking fearsomely beautiful, this afternoon, majesty." He finally said, taking in her usual leather and mail armour. Gently he reached out and brushed the buckle of her arm brace.

Susan glanced at him sharply, eyes narrowing and brows knitting together tightly. She turned her body away from his searching fingers and focused on the target two hundred feet away, drawing a sharp arrow.

Caspian sighed. He would get nowhere if this continued.

"Am I ever to know his name? This man who stands between us?"

Her arrow flew off course and hit the target on its outer edges. Her worst shot of the day. He waited for her reply but Susan refused to look at him. Her gaze remained fixed on her still quivering arrow.

"Susan?"

Suddenly she whirled on him, her eyes bright with anger, slim fingers trembling as they grasped her bow.

"You should address your superiors with the respect they deserve, _Prince_ Caspian, or have you forgotten who I am?"

Taken aback, Caspian stuttered a nonsense reply; he had not been expecting this sudden surge of anger.

"I am a Queen of Narnia, crowned by Aslan himself! I answer to none but Him and my brother, the High King. How dare you address me as a common girl? As nothing more than an ordinary girl with an ordinary name?"

Again Caspian tried to interrupt her but managed no more than a stutter in the face of her fury.

"I thought I could count on being respected whilst my feet were on my own soil, but you have proven my thoughts incorrect, I am to be belittled here as well!"

"My Queen –"

He made a fatal mistake.

He reached out and grasped her wrist in apology.

Instantly her angry eyes turned wild and suddenly she was all strength and muscle and wiry toughness.

"Let me GO!" with an almighty yank she was free and retreated several feet away where she stood, panting and staring at him with panicked eyes.

There was a stunned silence. Caspian could feel his heart beating wildly in his chest. He looked upon the Queen, her hair now in disarray, her lips quivering and he felt a rush of feeling.

"Look at yourself." He said softly. Susan turned her face away from him but didn't otherwise move.

"Look at what he's done to you." He saw a tear run swiftly down her rosy cheek. "You've let him win."

Susan bowed her head under his criticism. Caspian saw that as a good sign, she was listening to him, he took a step forward. But still, she took a step back.

"Please just drop it." She replied in a low voice, squatting down and hurriedly grabbing her things. He picked up her bow, holding it out to her, but just far enough away so that she would have to come closer to retrieve it. She eyed him angrily before she grabbed it from one end, he refused to let go.

"Please, Queen Susan, I want to help. Please just let me help."

She dared to look at him for one charged moment before she snatched up her bow and hurriedly walked away. Caspian felt anger well. She was letting herself go. She wasn't even fighting, wasn't even trying.

"Tell me his name, at least, so I know whom to curse in my prayers." He called after her.

Susan paused, turning her head to the side so he could see her profile, but not her eyes.

_When he appeared at her side, he bowed in a flowery way with lots of gestures and flicks of his hands. Susan found it a little funny, but he was so solemn, that she replied with a formal curtsey of her own.__He said nothing, but extended his hand in offer of a dance. She searched his dark eyes, but they held nothing but respect and intrigue. She placed her hand in his._

"_I am, Rabadash, Your majesty, Prince of Calormene and never in my wide travels have I seen one with such beauty as yourself."_

_Susan felt her stomach jump, her fingers tingled as he squeezed them gently and gazed upon her with liquid eyes. _

"His name was Rabadash," she said it so softly he wasn't even sure he heard right. "he was a Calormene Prince. Now please, leave it - and me – alone."

"I won't!"

His resolute reply startled her. She turned fully around to meet his adamant gaze with her surprised one.

"I'm not giving up on you."

Something in her eyes flickered briefly, before she turned her head and strode away.

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As he was preparing for the castle raid, Caspian overheard a curious conversation between the Queen and her elder brother.

"You don't have to fight Su, you're not used to battles."

"I want to fight."

"Su, you have to make the right decision here, don't let your insecurities cloud your thoughts."

"Insecurities?"

"You know what I'm talking about; you're fighting now because you feel guilty about the soldiers who died fighting to save you after Rabadash declared war. You think if you save a soldier now, it makes up for the one who died years ago. You're trying to save men who are already dead."

"That's nonsense."

"It's the _truth,_ you're named the Gentle, Susan, you don't belong on a battle field."

"I have every right to fight for my people."

"And they have every right to fight for you. Don't let their sacrifice be in vain. Stay at the How."

There was a strained silence.

"You don't understand, Peter, I have to do this. I have to feel like I'm doing something, I have to prove that I'm not a damsel in distress, that I'm strong, worthy of being Queen."

"You _are_ worthy, Aslan made you worthy when he crowned you."

"I have to make up for my past indiscretions."

"That's ridiculous."

"You can get angry, or you can support me, Peter. Either way, I'm fighting at your side."

There was another pause.

"Susan, please, don't you think this has gone on long enough? Don't let him dictate who you are. You're not a soldier."

Susan's reply was stiff and formal.

"Since this discussion appears to be ended, my Lord, I beg leave of your presence in order to prepare for the raid."

"Permission granted. But su –"

"Thank you, My King, may Aslan guide your blade and give you strength this night."

Caspian ducked into the shadows as Susan strode past, her fists clenched at her sides angrily. He chanced a glance into the room and saw King Peter, his head in his hands. It was not many who saw the stubborn, legendary king in such a vulnerable position. Caspian could see the combined stresses of being High King and being the eldest brother were taking their toll on the boy-man. Peter sighed heavily and lifted his eyes, staring into the fire which flickered dully in front of him. With a quick shake of his head he straightened fully, raising his chin, pulling back his shoulders. Peter Pevensie and his worries over his little sister were left at the fire place. The High King of Narnia walked from the room.

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Caspian found Susan sitting in the same place he had found Queen Lucy a few nights before. He had had to be careful, following her here. The kings had been keeping a beady eye on him for the past few days, especially Peter, after that disastrous raid. She knew he was there. Her shoulders had tensed as he had walked up behind her.

He waited a few moments, taking a deep breath of fresh air.

"He kept you prisoner."

Susan startled next to him, her head swinging to the side to allow her to stare at him in surprise.

"I know what happened." he said to her earnestly. "The rabbit, Blossom, gave me a book on the golden age and I read all about your time in Tashbaan."

His words seemed to irk her; her eyes turned cold.

"Child." He tried not to shrink under her condemning gaze. "You read a book of fairytales and you think you can understand?"

It was then, for the first time, that Caspian felt the many years that she had lived and he had not. Her eyes were tired, old, world weary, he felt naive in her presence, this lady who had lived a full life many years before he had even been born. But he could also see the desperate girl trapped behind a wall of insecurities and memories which haunted her and prevented her from becoming the true queen that she was.

"Tell me then, _make_ me understand, please! I want to help. I want you to be able to smile at me without wincing." He reached for her hand but she pulled away quickly. "I want to be able to hold your hand _without_ you pulling away!"

Susan sighed, her contempt leaving her when confronted with his earnest face. Her anger deflated, it left her small and frail looking.

"I know, _I know_ you just want to help and it makes it worse that I _want _you to be able to. I just _can't let go."_

"Of what?"

"Of my memories, of my guilt."

Susan picked at a rock under her feet and turned her face away from his curious eyes, she did not want to continue the conversation. Caspian's heart ached.

"Tell me, please, perhaps then your rejection when I reach for you will not hurt as much."

He held his breath, hoping she would continue, hoping that using her affection for him against her in a guilt trip would not make her clam up further. They sat in silence for a long time and with a great sigh, Caspian finally turned to leave. His boots scraped against the stone as he moved.

Susan's hand shot out as if to grab him, but stopped just above his forearm. Caspian stared at the hovering hand and then moved his gaze to her face, but he could not make out her expression, the moon was too dim. Slowly he sat back down and waited.

"He tried to touch me." She said softly. Caspian felt his heart sink as his fears were confirmed. She had experienced the worst side of a man's nature, she with all of her delicate beauty, had been tainted.

"He tried to rape me." Susan said louder, her fist clenching angrily. "He tried to force himself onto me and when I fought, he hit me, told me he would kill my brother and declare open war against my country. He would have succeeded in breaking me, had Edmund not stormed in and startled him so much that he let me go. We only had a short time after that to plan our escape."

She took a deep breath, staring straight ahead and laughed bitterly.

"I bet your story book left that bit out, didn't it?"

Caspian didn't say anything. But she didn't need him to. Nothing he said could make it so that those memories did not exist.

"I hate him for it, for trying. But I hate myself more."

_Susan walked through the tent which held the bodies of fallen soldiers. She could see Edmund further ahead, consoling a distraught faun who was sobbing over his brother's body. She paused, not wanting to face the crying faun, not wanting to face the guilt she felt at the sight of his brothers prone and bloody body. She cast her eyes away from the scene, but her gaze only fell upon a small leopard cub, sitting meekly at his mother's side, staring with wide eyes at the large unmoving mass of spotted fur that had been his father. The air was stifling, it stank of blood and death. It stank of her sins. It stank of her failure. It stank of a people betrayed. Susan ran from the tent, not stopping at the concerned calls from her brother or her people. Susan ran. _

Susan clenched her fingers in the folds of her dress and suddenly the words were pouring from her.

"My foolishness started a war. I fell for a foreign prince who ensnared me with promises of adventure and excitement. M_y people died_ trying to protect me. They selflessly fought for a selfish queen who thought of nothing but herself."

"That is not tru-"

"Yes! Yes it is! Had I _not_ foolishly fell for his charm and flowery words, my soldiers would not have had to sacrifice their lives! If only I had heeded my sisters advice. If only I had had confidence in myself. If only I did not need reaffirmations of my beauty. If only he had not come at a time when I was feeling desperate and under pressure to produce an heir. I was selfish. I put myself and _my_ wants over Narnia and _Narnia's_ needs. I failed the first principle of being Queen. _I put myself over my country. _All because a man – a dirty horrible man, deceived me with his charming smile and his dark eyes and foreign tongue. Damn him, damn him to hell."

Susan was crying now, tears running down her cheeks. Her eyes were swollen, her cheeks red, her nose running. She didn't look beautiful in the least.

Caspian studied his hands self consciously as she sobbed beside him. He made no move to touch her, to comfort her.

"So really, it is a two pronged problem." He said softly. Susan stopped crying long enough to look up at him in confusion. "You are afraid of touch, because you were once forced upon. Correct?"

Susan nodded hesitantly. "Yes, I suppose that's a small part of it."

"And you detest a man's touch because it brings back the memory of your own selfishness, your failings as a queen." He added gravely.

"Yes, yes you understand?" Susan looked at him with bleak eyes.

"I understand." He replied. And he did. As a future King of Narnia, there was nothing that worried him more than the life and prosperity of his people. Everything he did, everything he fought for in this war could be attributed to his responsibility to look after and nurture his people.

And then he had made a mistake.

That night at the castle, he had abandoned his people in favour for his revenge. Like him, she had, for one brief moment in time, let herself come before her people and she had paid a heavy price, in her people's blood shed.

Now it was Caspian's turn to take a deep breath. He thought he knew where the problem lay.

"I understand and _I forgive you."_

"What?" she stared at him disbelievingly.

_Peter was always hugging her, reassuring her he was there to protect her. Edmund was always hovering, making sure she was alright, popping in at odd hours of the nigh to make sure she was asleep in her bed. Lucy was constantly bringing her food and drink, helping her get ready for the day, brushing her hair. But when she looked at them and told them she was sorry, not one of them said anything in return. Each stared back helplessly, or told her it wasn't her fault. She knew they were lying. It was all her fault. She was so very very sorry._

"I forgive you for being human, for making a mistake, for putting yourself first. I take the blame of those soldiers deaths, who fought for your freedom and I release you of it." He said.

"It doesn't work like that." She scoffed at his quiet words, but her fingers had stopped clenching in her dress, her breathing had evened out.

"You don't think so?" he returned mildly. Already, her tears had stopped. "Well, I forgive you all the same, I understand the pressures and I understand how you could be led astray."

She stared at him with wide eyes, finally bursting out with.

"Even if I am forgiven, I can't just erase my thoughts and memories!"

"It will take time. But you must forgive yourself. You are – were - a great Queen, your legend is lovingly remembered this day, a thousand years later. It would not have been so, if your people were angry with you or distrusted you."

_Susan felt sick as the royal family stood on the balcony which overlooked the capital city and below them thousands of Narnian's screamed with joy at the sight of their monarchs. Peter had said something, something horrid about good triumphing evil and then had pulled her forward. The triumphant yells and adoring calls from her people made her head spin, their faces blended together in great contorted shapes. Why were they so happy to see her? Didn't they know she had led their armies into death? Didn't they realise that her freedom came at a price? _

He let her take his words in. She sat quietly, sniffling occasionally. Carefully, he extracted his handkerchief and placed it in her lap, careful not to startle her with fast movements and careful not to touch her in anyway.

"As for the other problem, I cannot help. I can only tell you that I would never do such a thing and that all men are not animals like he who hurt you. We really aren't a bad lot." He made a comical face at her.

Susan smiled, chuckling briefly. "I know."

They sat in a peaceful silence for a while, Caspian felt elated, sitting there quietly and listening to her soft breathing.

She was not tense, she had not left, it was the longest time he had spent in her presence. That alone made him think that maybe, just maybe, his words had had an effect.

He stared at the moon, marvelling at the fact that thirteen hundred years before; she had stared at the same moon, with no knowledge that one day they would be sitting under it together. Suddenly, he felt her gently touch his hand. He held his breath, not taking his eyes off the sky as Susan traced his fingers with one of her own.

"He was so much stronger than me. That's what scares me most about you. About men, really, I couldn't fight him off."

_Peter found his sister pacing restlessly in the royal southern gardens. He knew that she knew he was there, her shoulders had tensed as he walked into the area. He didn't say anything, just watched her, his heart aching with her pain. Suddenly she stalked up to him and stopped just in front of him. Her eyes were wild with anger. His sister was aptly named gentle, so it gave him a huge surprise when she raised both of her hands and shoved him hard in the chest. He swayed, but did not stumble. His unmoving mass seemed to anger her further. She approached him at a fast walk and shoved him hard again. This time Peter caught her wrists in his hands._

"_Su? What on earth –"_

_Suddenly Susan was tugging viciously against his grip on her wrists, grunting in her aggression. She rained a continuous hail of sharp kicks against his shins that made Peter gasp in pain. Her actions were so wild, so out of character that he was afraid she had cracked all together. Deftly, he pinned her arms to her sides and wrapped himself around her, preventing her from moving much at all._

"_Susan, stop it! Susan you'll hurt yourself!" he cried into her ear._

_Susan's attacks suddenly stopped and she hung limp in his hold. Cautiously Peter let her go and turned her around to face him. Angry tears were streaking down her cheeks._

"_Why am I so weak?" she asked him. "Why can't I protect myself?"_

"If you have to fight off a man, he is no man at all, but a coward, to treat someone smaller than he as such."

Susan shrugged. "Coward or no, he was still stronger and I could not fight him." She turned and looked at him, eyeing him up and down. "I have seen you kill men on the battlefield, I know your strength."

He became aware of his size and strength when compared to her small body. He had never thought of her as delicate and had never thought of himself as particularly strong either. But he had to admit, subduing her would not be a particularly hard task.

"But the question is: have you seen me use my strength anywhere other than in the heat of battle? Have I raised a hand against a fellow? Have I pushed or shoved?" he asked.

'No"

"Then you must understand that my strength will never be used against friends, only enemies."

He turned his hand over and laced his fingers with hers, trapping her gently. Susan stared at their hands with a slight panic arising in her eyes. She gave a tug and he released her hand immediately. He watched as she bit her lip in thought and then reached out to place her hand back in his. He curled his fingers around hers. Again she pulled back and again he let go. She was testing him.

"I am not him." He whispered, willing her to believe it.

Her eyes were bright, unsure, but determined, as she lifted his hand and once again intertwined their fingers.

They sat there for what seemed an age, until dawn's light lit the earth and showed Caspian Susan's small grim smile.

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So finally the second part is out. It was actually longer than I thought and this made a nice ending I think, so I chopped out a bit and I might make a third chapter, to be coming out later. Let me know what you think. Should I continue it or just leave it as is?


	3. Chapter 3

Characters are still not mine.....

Hope you still enjoy.

*Crimson*

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Susan was trying, really she was. But every time he smiled at her, every time he touched her and ignited the all too hauntingly familiar butterflies, her soul screamed at her in defiance.

She knew, _she knew_ he was different. She understood he would never hurt her; he was always so gentle, always so careful with her. But, the problem was, all of the feelings that he ignited were the exact same feelings that she had once felt when in the presence of Rabadash.

It was these feelings that had led to the senseless deaths of her soldiers. It was these butterflies which had made her lower her defences and become the prey of a mad man. It was these heated flashes which had created tensions between her and her brothers and sister.

_Caspian_ didn't scare her. The feelings he stirred in her, on the other hand, terrified her.

She had sworn that these feelings would never again dictate her actions.

But with each of his touches, each of his smiles, that pledge was falling to pieces and with it, so was Susan.

Bit by bit she had to put the pieces of herself back together again, separating her past and her present. She needed to find peace but was bewildered about where to begin.

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Susan awoke groggily to someone shaking her gently. She opened her eyes and stared up at the female dwarf.

"Majesty, Prince Caspian wishes to see you."

"What? Now?"

"Yes, My Lady, he is right outside the chamber."

Susan sat up and bid the dwarf thanks. Lucy stirred from her place on the blankets but thankfully did not wake. Loosely Susan plaited her hair and tried to straighten the gown which she had fallen asleep in. Taking a breath, she peered around the corner. Caspian was leaning against the wall, his hair falling into his eyes as he stared at the ground. She cleared her throat.

"Queen Susan!" Caspian exclaimed, standing upright and bowing quickly.

"You asked for me?" she asked him, trying to stifle a yawn.

"Yes, yes I did." He beamed at her and held out a hand. She hesitated.

"Come, I thought we were past this stage. My hand has not suddenly become evil overnight."

She hid a frown and obediently let him take her hand, chiding herself inwardly for being foolish. Immediately he was tugging her towards the exit.

"Where are we going?"

Caspian grinned over his shoulder. "I have thought of a way to help you with the second problem. You are afraid of my strength, yes? Well, I am going to show you how to defend yourself."

"You're what?"

"Going to show you how to defend yourself."

Susan shivered as they entered the chilly pre dawn air. "I'm pretty sure I can out arch you."

Suddenly Caspian turned on her; he pulled her arm behind her back, swung her around so she was pressed against his chest and held her there tightly. She was trapped. Susan panicked and began to struggle. Immediately he let her go.

She pushed against him and staggered away a few steps. When Susan caught her breath she glared at him angrily, her heart thundering in her ears. He looked contrite at her expression.

"You see? Without your bow and when in close contact, you are helpless. I want to teach you how to break a hold such as the one I used on you. I want to teach you how to defend yourself, maybe then you won't be scared of a man's strength and will have more confidence in your own."

Susan blew out a huff of air and eyed him shrewdly. "Alright, I see your point." She walked a few steps closer determinedly. "Just don't surprise me like that."

After an hour, she had successfully learnt how to tread on Caspian's toes, poke Caspian's eyes, pull on Caspian's ears, break Caspian's grip on her hands, duck beneath his hold, and throw him neatly over one hip. He was bruised and sore but grinning, as was she.

He put his arm around her as they walked back to the How.

She trod on his toes and he stumbled, letting go of her to regain his balance.

When he put his arm around her again, she didn't mind in the least.

A Peace fell into place.

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Peter laughed hysterically when she demonstrated her new abilities on a disgruntled and bewildered Edmund. Edmund glared up at her from the ground, where she had neatly thrown him from over her hip. Susan grinned down at her little brother, counteracting his frown.

"I wouldn't have fallen; you just surprised me is all." He grumbled, letting Lucy help him up.

"That's the point Ed! You didn't see it coming; it would give a girl time to run. Can you teach me Su?" Lucy eagerly asked.

Susan beamed. "Well, you're probably better off asking Caspian to teach you, he taught me this morning."

Peter raised his eyebrows. "Caspian taught you that?"

"Yes."

"Well!" Peter grinned at Edmund.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Susan demanded.

"Nothing Su."

Susan stepped forward threateningly, but with a smile quirking her lips. "Tell me, or I'll get you like I got Ed!"

Peter laughed. "I'd like to see you try!"

Susan, feeling rather elated and brilliant, charged her brother with an enthusiastic yell. She was able to see Peter's shocked eyes before she ploughed into him. He caught her around the waist and they tumbled to the ground. Lucy laughed at their combined groans and giggles while Edmund peered over them with a satisfied smirk.

"Looks like she got you Pete."

Peter didn't reply, but reached out and swept his brother's feet from under him. Edmund landed on the ground once again with a painful groan. Laughing, Susan tugged on Lucy's dress until she too was sprawled on the grass, comfortably tangled with her brothers and sister. They spent a long moment laughing heartily, poking and tickling, teasing each other affectionately.

"I'm glad we came back." Lucy finally said.

"Really? Even though we're facing an army that is a thousand men stronger than our own and our people are exiled from their own land?" Edmund replied sarcastically. Peter cuffed him over the head for which he received a sharp jab in the ribs.

"Yes." Lucy replied. She rolled over and laid her head on Susan's shoulder. Susan smiled at her fondly and Lucy sighed, burying her head deeper into the folds of the soft material. "I'm really very glad we came back."

Susan felt Peter squeeze her hand tightly.

"So am I." He said, in a low voice. "I think it's the best thing that could have happened."

Susan felt her heart swell. For the first time in a while, the sibling's bond seemed as strong as it ever had been. She had been refusing to admit it, but she had created a distance between her brothers and sister when she refused to let them help her. It was good to lay here and feel loved as a younger sister and feel needed as an older sister.

She pressed her lips to Lucy's forehead.

"I love you."

"Oi! What about us?" Edmund asked, picking up his head and glaring at her over Peter's shoulder, which was moving with his chuckles. Susan laughed, reaching over until she could ruffle Edmund's hair gently.

"I love all of you."

"That's more like it!" he lay back down.

"Su?"

"Hmmm?"

"We love you too, you know."

A Peace fell into place.

"I know."

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Caspian walked up to Susan from behind and placed a hand on her shoulder. Susan peered up at him; he grinned as she took a deep breath and allowed his hand to stay on her shoulder. Physically, they had made progress. Emotionally, it was much harder and would take a bit longer, but he had ideas. He had plans. Hopefully they would work.

"Come with me." He said, grabbing the dress she had been stitching and putting it aside. Susan clucked her tongue in slight annoyance.

"I was busy, Caspian."

"I know, my Queen, but something much more important is required of you." He replied.

Susan ducked her head. "You don't have to refer to my title all the time Caspian, I apologised for yelling at you, you know I did not mean to rebuke you."

"I know." Caspian smiled at her. "But you are still my Queen, and though your name is beautiful, it does not show the proper respect and adoration to a lady of your calibre."

She smiled shyly and then bit her lip, casting her eyes away. She was trying to hide it, but Caspian saw the brief flicker of hesitance. Best keep things moving along.

"But I digress; to shower you with flattery is not why I pulled you away from such an important activity." He grinned as she rolled her eyes.

"I have a friend I want you to meet."

"Really? What is their name?"

They were now walking down a corridor. Caspian turned them to the right and Susan halted abruptly, her teeth clenching as she realised where they were headed. Caspian squeezed her hand in reassurance.

"His name is Strider. He's a leopard soldier of the Southern Cat battalion."

Susan inhaled sharply. The Southern Cat battalion had been her royal guard during the golden age. Several of the soldiers from that particular battalion had been personal friends. They had lost three members in the fight for Anvard.

"He is mortally wounded. He will not last the week."

Susan felt sick to her stomach. She had not walked among the dying and wounded since that fateful battle. In the beginning years of their reign, she was a fixture among the healer tents, tending wounds, raising spirits. Now she avoided injured soldiers at all costs. She had never even been inside the How's infirmary.

'What about my sister's cordial, I thought it was being used on all mortal wounds."

"He has refused the cordial." Caspian answered quietly. He lowered his head to try and look into her panicked eyes. "I thought it may raise his spirits to meet the Queen his regiment is named after."

"I can't" she said, weakly tugging against his hold.

He held her tightly. She was too agitated to feel fear of his strength. "Yes, you can. I have told him you are coming."

"Caspian! I cannot! I cannot go in there and act like everything is ok, I cannot go in there and bestow a smile on him, have him hold me in such high regard as he lies dyeing! He should hate me, despise the sight of me!"

Caspian tugged her closer and clutched both of her hands, enclosing them warmly within his own. Her fingers were astonishingly cold. Panic had set in.

"Please, Susan, trust me, maybe you need to speak with him as much as he needs to lay eyes on you."

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The room was dull; there were no windows this deep underground. Susan found herself longing for the sunlight, far away from this oppressive place.

The Leopard lay on his side; great white bandages were tightly wrapped around his midsection. The coverings did nothing to hide the faint red stain which stretched down the Cat's stomach.

"How are you, my friend?" Caspian asked, laying a hand on the beast's head. The Cat's eyes flickered open.

"Prince Caspian. Well as can be expected" Strider rasped in reply.

"I have brought you the Queen, as I promised."

Caspian gently tugged Susan closer; she clenched his hand tightly within hers as her heart thundered in her ears. The Animal's eyes were dull, but alert as he switched his gaze to her.

"My Queen. I apologise for not being able to bow and give respect to my lady."

She could not even open her mouth to reply to his apology. Caspian looked from the Leopard to Susan and with a firm nod, as if coming to a decision, he pulled his hand from hers. "I will leave you to converse while I greet other wounded. I will return momentarily."

Susan clutched at his hand fearfully. "Stay!" she hissed, digging her nails into his flesh desperately. He said nothing, his eyes understanding, but determined and pried her fingers away. Seconds later he had disappeared across the room.

Strider regarded Susan with his golden eyes solemnly. She sat in silence. She only wanted to disappear, wanted to get away. His warm gaze brought back startlingly clear images of her friends. It brought back startlingly clear images of their cold bodies in death, images of their same colour eyes, gazing at her in adoration and then with emptiness.

Strider moved slightly and groaned, his eyes shutting against the sudden surge of pain.

"Does – does it hurt much?" She asked timidly, her gentle heart overcoming her fear of her memories in the face of his pain.

Strider opened his eyes and attempted a smile. "Not so much as to be unbearable, Majesty. But it will be a sweet relief when I pass from this land into Aslan's country." The Leopard looked down at himself. "I always knew I would die from a battle wound. Never knew it would be a prolonged death such as this."

Tears pricked at Susan's eyes, he spoke of death so freely.

"Please, won't you take a drop of my sister's cordial? Surely you have family."

"Yes, yes I have family. Three cubs of my own and seven grancubs. They are well hidden in the mountains. I made my peace with them long ago. I knew, when I came to fight that I would most likely perish in battle."

Susan clutched at her dress, her eyes wide. "But you needn't, you needn't be in this pain, you needn't die, please, my sister can cure you!"

Strider regarded her panicked expression shrewdly. "I am not afraid of death, majesty." He met her gaze steadily. "I am an old Leopard. Well on in my years. Perhaps not as old as some," he said quickly when she moved to protest, " but old enough to have lived and loved. I refuse your sister's miracle because if I accept that drop, I am taking it from the mouth of a soldier much younger, or a friend very dear, or even from the mouths of my Kings' and Queens'. No, I, who am content, will ascend to Aslan's paws with no regrets."

It was an unacceptable excuse. It was unacceptable that he had chosen to die, on the off chance that the cordial would run out and she herself or her brothers and sister would perish in his place.

"Please, not on my account, please never on my account. Take my drop, I willingly give it to you, I would rather see you live out your years than selfishly keep a drop for myself! You cannot die on my behalf, too many have already."

"And more will." His reply startled her; no one had ever acknowledged soldiers' deaths on her behalf before. "It is our gift. It is _my_ gift. I am a soldier of the Southern Cat regiment. It was my forefather's oaths to protect the Gentle Queen. It is mine to uphold, I served with my life and offered it freely so that you might live."

"No! You cannot, I will not accept this gift, I refuse it! You are a free Narnian, take what is yours! Take your life for your own."

Her refusal to hear his reasoning made the Leopard agitated. He tried very hard not to move, but raised his head fully in order to look Susan in the eyes.

"I have, do you not see? It _is_ my life because they are my choices. My choice was to fight in your defence. You cannot begrudge me that honour. My choice is to die, in order for another to live. Can you not understand? Would you not give your life for your brothers and sisters?"

"Yes, of course, but they are my family, think of your own!

"_I am_. My family lives in Narnia. _You are Narnia_. You are everything we stand for, everything we hope for. Without you and your brothers and sister at our helm, it will be impossible for us to win this war. I _am_ thinking of my family. I am looking to their future. I look to the future, just as my forefathers did when they ran to your defence."

"Some of your forefathers died because of my foolishness, my courtship with the Calormene Prince. Please, do not make your death another to rest on my conscience."

The Leopard regarded her for a long time, letting her wipe away the tears that she never even knew she had shed.

"I take it you are referring to the battle for Anvard?"

"Yes," She closed her eyes briefly.

Not being able to move, be blinked solemnly up at her. "May I speak freely?"

"Of Course."

"I can see you feel guilt for their deaths. For this reason, I will talk plainly. My Queen, think this: if Anvard fell, the security of all Narnians' would have been placed in jeopardy. Also consider, if the Queen was taken as a slave wife, do you not think the soldiers who rushed to your aide knew their daughters would be next?"

Susan had heard all of these excuses from her brothers before.

"Yes, but still, those soldiers never would have had to consider such things if I had acted responsibly."

"Do you think, seriously, my Queen, that the Tisroc, even if he was scared of Aslan's wrath, would have stayed away from Narnia forever? No, from what I have been told, he was expanding his empire speedily and with great force. It would have only been a matter of time before Narnia was challenged. Personally, I believe you actually saved Narnia. Instead of his father's army, Narnia received only Rabadash and his impulsive army of two hundred which was a much easier battle than a one thousand strong force. Also, by defeating Rabadash and allowing Aslan to bring justice, you prevented a war between Calormene and Narnia for the full time of Rabadash's reign."

Strider reached out a paw and gently raised the queen's bent head.

"Do not dishonour their sacrifice by taking all of the blame. I am sure, if at all they were to blame anyone, it would be the enemy, those men who rushed to invade an innocent country, with murderous intentions and evil in their hearts."

He gazed at her seriously, eyes shimmering in the light provided by fire torches. His paw was callused, yet soft on her chin, the nails just barely touching her ear with gentleness.

"In a perfect world, soldiers would not die, sacrifices would not have to be made, and good people would not feel guilt for things which are inevitable. But this is not a perfect world. And you, My Queen, are not Aslan. You are not perfect."

A Peace fell into place.

Susan felt lighter than she had in years. Gently she took Strider's paw between her hands. There was only one thing to do.

"Then if it is truly your final choice, I can only say thank you, friend Strider, for your gift. A more courageous and wise Leopard I have never met. You have impacted me on this day, more than you know."

Strider snorted bashfully. "It has been an honour to speak with you, majesty, and an honour to serve you, an honour for you to know my name."

Susan gently kissed the old Leopards snout. He breathed deeply and closed his eyes tiredly.

"You must rest. I will visit tomorrow, dear friend."

He was already asleep.

When Susan stood and gently placed the Leopards paw on the bed, it was as if some part of her was left behind with that old dying soldier. She met Caspian at the door. Anxiously, he peered into her face, his eyes tracing the dried tear marks. She smiled at him and he broke out into a relived smile in return. When he took her hand to lead her away, she leant her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes sending fervent thanks to Aslan.

Caspian had stood beside her, when others did not know how. When she was lost, her heart broken and her soul in pieces, when others believed her facade of normalcy, he opened her up, took her apart and then handed her back the right pieces.

She agreed with Lucy. No matter who or what they were to face. She really was glad they had come back.

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Okay, I'm not entirely happy with his chapter. But I don't have a beta reader, so you guys who take the time to review are my critics and helpers. Did it flow? Make sense? Let me know, what did you like? What didn't you?


	4. Chapter 4

Here's chapter four....

Hope you still enjoy.

Crimson.

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She finally consented to take that walk. Actually, _she_ asked _him _to take a walk with her in the woods. She seemed in high spirits. Every day Susan had been back to talk with Strider and had even begun to visit other wounded soldiers whilst she was in the healing room. They blushed under her soft gaze, smiled at her gentle touch and were in awe of her beauty.

Every day she laughed more, smiled at him more, reached out to him more.

Yesterday morning _she _had reached out and taken _his _hand. His elation and her following smile had been worth the funny looks from Peter and the giggles from Lucy. Edmund had gagged and made funny faces but nothing could dislodge the warmth blooming between them.

Now she spoke with him mildly as they strolled through the dense forest. They did not hold hands but she brushed her fingers with his every now and then.

She had asked him to accompany her, but didn't tell him where they were headed.

"I hope it's still there." She murmured as they stomped through heavier and heavier undergrowth. She was surprisingly nimble amongst the strong branches, ducking and weaving expertly, giggling at him over her shoulder when he did not dodge quick enough and a branch grasped his nose or his shoulder.

Then he lifted a twig from his face and suddenly they were in a clearing. A small waterfall made pleasant sounds which echoed, kept inside the small bubble of peace by the lush green and brown trees which towered above them and made a small canopy.

Susan smiled around her, taking a deep breath of clear air. "We used to come here, on the eve of the Anniversary of Aslan's death and rebirth. It's such a beautiful place, untouched, it's almost as if a small part of Him resides here."

She walked over to a large rock which extended over the small pool of water and sat down, hitching up her dress and pulling off her soft leather shoes. She lowered her toes into the clear water with a slight shiver, even as a delighted smile lit up her face.

"Come here!" she called.

Caspian willingly sat himself beside her and she giggled as he struggled with his boots. Her deft fingers helped him untie his laces in order for him to stick his feet in the cool water also. He blushed as he caught her delighted gaze peeking through her dark lashes and turned his head to stare over the water.

Her giggles fell silent; all he could hear was her steady soft breathing and the trickle of the waterfall. A bird called from far away.

He breathed deeply, as he had seen her do before. You could almost pretend that they were not about to be engaged in war at any moment. You could almost pretend that they were not royalty and that they were not Telmarine enemy number one. You could almost pretend that they were just two people, sitting together, surrounded by peace and beauty.

"I like it here." He said softly. Susan lay back on the rock, letting the rays of light which managed to squeeze through the trees play over her face. "Thank you for bringing me here."

Susan, with her eyes still closed, reached out and pulled on his shirt until he was laying beside her, their breaths rising and falling in rhythm.

"I should be thanking you." She said suddenly into their silence. He turned his head to look into her face, but she remained staring up at the trees. "For not giving up on me."

He reached out and squeezed her hand. "It wasn't even a choice; it was just something I could not do."

He saw a brief dimple appear before it was hidden once again in her calm face. "It was hard, back then, after it all happened. Everyone treated me like glass, breakable. It horrified me, that everyone was so sympathetic, when I believed it was all my fault. I think, most of all, I was so embarrassed, so humiliated, so devastated, so many things at once that I had no idea how to deal with them, so I didn't." She hesitated a moment.

"Tell me." He said, prompting her.

She turned her head, eyeing him briefly, assessing what his reaction would be.

"There were other suitors, of course." She smiled at his low comical growl at the mention of other suitors. "It seemed that once I had escaped from Rabadash that every male royal within the world voyaged to Narnia in order to 'heal me' or 'save me' or just take advantage of my emotional state. Thank goodness for Pete and Ed. They challenged so many men to duels for my honour I lost count and I think Edmund banished about fifteen lords from our lands permanently. But I played the part, I pushed everything else aside, locked it away so I could smile at suitors and dance with them. I did everything normally, talked with my family, dealt with problems at court. But it wasn't me – I wasn't whole. I never felt anything. That's how I was able to function, by not feeling anything. Ever."

Caspian cleared his throat in the silence before voicing his question."May I ask? If you were able to function, to appear normal, why did you suddenly react at my presence? Why did it all come undone?"

Susan sighed, her chest rising and then sinking heavily. "I was so very used to hiding everything, for closing myself off from my emotions – I never allowed myself to feel anything for any man after he - that when you smiled at me and created this – thing – between us, it took me off guard. With the little butterfly in my stomach, along came all of these memories that I had suppressed."

He grinned. "I give you butterflies?"

She laughed lightly before giving him a small smile. "Just - thank you - very much, from the bottom of my heart. I won't forget your kindness, ever."

They were shoulder to shoulder, hands clasped, feet dangling in the water. Her head was tilted towards him. He knew if he moved his head to the side....but he mustn't. She trusted him and so he mustn't.

He sat up.

Oblivious to his internal struggle, Susan sighed in contentment and closed her eyes once again, pulling her hand from his and clasping her own on her stomach.

While her eyes were closed, he allowed his to linger on her face. She really was a beautiful woman, even now, just emerging from a girl to a lady. Her dark lashes fluttered on her creamy white skin. She opened her eyes and caught his gaze.

It must have been the place. Never before had he seen such peace in her eyes as she looked up at him. Instead of her usual hesitance she smiled up at him freely.

His affection for her was clamouring to the surface. His hands shook slightly as he slowly raised one and traced a finger over her small nose and over her dark eyebrows. Her eyes fluttered closed and she released a small sigh.

Now his breath was coming in shorter bursts, his fingers skirted her full lips. Oh how he wanted to – but he mustn't. _He mustn't._

He rolled onto his stomach and stared down at her peaceful face. He could see wisps of her hair moving in the faint breeze that his breath stirred over her cheeks.

He didn't think she was aware but she tilted her chin, just slightly, in his direction.

He mustn't, he shouldn't, she was his queen, she trusted him.

Caspian kissed her.

Susan jerked away with a startled gasp, her eyes flying open, fingers going to her lips. Caspian felt his own breath catch in his throat. Oh why, _why_ had he given in to himself? Now he had scared her for life. She had trusted him.

"I'm so Sorry, I -," he tried to say.

Susan's expression changed, she studied him with wide eyes.

With one word, he had managed to, unknowingly, distance himself and the feelings that he created from her memories of Rabadash. He had shown remorse. He had said sorry. It was alright to trust him.

"Sorry" it wasn't a question, it wasn't a reply. She repeated the word to herself a curious expression coming to her face.

She reached out a tentative hand and placed it on his cheek. He shut his mouth immediately, letting her fingers pass over his neck.

For a second he gazed into her eyes, before her fingers tightened on his collar and she pulled him closer, lifting her lips to his.

"Sorry." She breathed against his lips. He found himself breathing the words back, even as her lips glided over his.

"I'm Sorry." She whispered as his lips moved down her throat. "I'm Sorry."

"It's alright." He found himself replying. "I forgive you." But he didn't think that she heard him. It seemed that all of her emotions had suddenly raced to the surface.

"I'm sorry, so sorry, so very sorry." She was crying now, the tears running down her cheeks and creating dark stains on the rock below her head.

Caspian realised this was not about he and Rabadash anymore, this was about Susan finally forgiving herself and allowing that final part of her to heal. So he clasped her to his chest, tucked her protectively in his arms and provided the only thing he could, comfort.

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"Caspian!"

Caspian cut off his sentence to the general Glemstorm mid word as he turned at the sound of Lucy's call. He was just barely able to catch her little body as she threw herself at him exuberantly, a whirlwind of blue silk, blonde curls and warm hands. Caspian looked to the general in bewilderment. Glenstorm snorted at Caspian's surprised expression as the little Queen clung to his waist tightly.

"er – Queen Lucy?"

She looked up at him, her chin resting on his stomach, with brilliant clear blue eyes.

"You can call me Lucy you know." She replied mildly, not seeming to notice the confusion her overt affection and joy caused him.

"Er – yes, Majesty."

"_Lucy_, say it with me."

"What?"

"LUUUCCCYYY. Come on, say it. All my friends call me Lucy."

Caspian traded another look with Glenstorm, who seemed to be holding in a chuckle. "Um – Lucy."

Lucy laughed and hugged him tighter. She sighed into his shirt contentedly.

"Thank you."

"For what?" he asked her, bewildered.

"For helping Susan. For not listening to us when we told you to leave her alone. For not giving up on her."

"Oh, er-"

"You really like her, don't you?" Those blue eyes gazed at him piercingly. They were very similar to her eldest brothers, gentle but fierce when needed. Caspian felt himself blush heavily at her question, his ears heating. Lucy giggled again.

"It's alright, you don't need to answer, I can tell by your face. For what it's worth – I approve."

Caspian felt a warm bubble expand in his chest, the blush receded. He smiled down at Lucy.

Caspian had never been very affectionate. He did not have parents, or brothers and sisters. But this little girl was the closest thing he thought he might ever get to a younger sister. He reached down and hugged her back. "Thank you – it is worth more than you know."

Hugging Lucy was much like what he imagined hugging a ray of sunshine, or a musical melody might be like. Even though he was bigger, was taller, was stronger, she simply engulfed him.

Lucy wriggled free and Caspian had one moment to feel the loss, before she reached out and grasped his hand. She turned him back to where Glenstorm was waiting patiently and reached up, stretching right to her tip toes to grasp the startled centaur by his fingertips.

They resumed their walk, with Lucy in between them, swinging their hands joyously.

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Edmund approached Caspian with his swords strapped to his waist and a challenging look in his eyes. With slight trepidation, Caspian accepted his challenge to spar and followed the young man out into the How's grounds.

Their walk was silent; Caspian could see the stiff hold to the younger boy's shoulders. Finally Edmund looked around and stopped, withdrawing one sword and standing at arms. He was as still as a statue, his dark eyes assessing Caspian's every move. Not wanting to look silly, Caspian withdrew his own blade and held it steady before him.

Dear God, he was about to face King Edmund. The king was a legendary battler. Always his moves were strategically planned and executed. You had to be smart to best King Edmund in a sword fight. Caspian took a deep breath.

Edmund struck suddenly, lunging forward and thrusting downwards in a quick movement that had Caspian choking on the air which had just entered his lungs in his desperation to block the blow. The impact sent shudders down his arm, his elbow struggled under the pressure.

Caspian hardly remembered anything after that, except for the whirlwind effort to block, get in his own attacks and the dark, calculating gaze of his opponent.

He thought he was at least holding his own, until with harsh block and a sinuous spin Edmund unsheathed a second blade, smirking at Caspian's startled gaze. It did not take long until under the combined fury of the King's silver weapons, he tripped and fell backwards, opening his eyes to find both sword tips at his throat.

"Well fought, clearly you are the superior swordsman." Caspian said, raising himself to his elbows. The swords poked into his chest sharply and he froze. There was a tense silence during which Caspian stared at the swords and Edmund stared at Caspian, his face unreadable.

"She's my sister. It's my duty to protect her. Hurt her and I'll hurt you." The swords suddenly moved, and were sheathed quickly.

"That being said, you've managed to help her with what no one else has ever been able to even approach."

Caspian was surprised when Edmund bent down and held out a hand for him to grasp. The King pulled him to his feet gently.

"For so long, I thought she was unhealable. Her spirit wasn't there, she hid it well, but something wasn't right about her. You've brought her back." Edmund grasped Caspian's hand tighter still, his eyes burned.

"There's nothing else I can say except thank you."

Caspian was having trouble finding his voice. This was not what he had expected. "I – ok-"

Edmund cracked a grin. "There is one condition though, if you want to court her."

"What's that?"

Edmund shoved him lightly on the shoulder. "You'll have to learn to fight better – if anyone challenges you for her hand, and believe me, they will. You'll have to fight faster than that. I probably fought hundreds of battles in her honour."

"Will you teach me?" Caspian asked. He'd be damned if he lost her in a battle because of his own weakness.

Edmund saw Caspian's expression and laughed again. "Don't worry too much, she has the weirdest ability to make idiots and louts fall in love with her. Most are incompetent with a blade."

Caspian frowned. "Including me?"

"Well, you're the first who's asked me to teach them after I've just kicked their ass and you didn't do so badly. So I'd say you're well on the way to being exempt from that particular talent of hers."

"So you will teach me? With two blades?"

Edmund shrugged. "Maybe not two blades, your balance is a bit off for that." He saw Caspian's face fall and smirked again.

"You know what? Why not, it's been ages since I sparred regularly - thirteen hundred years in fact." He suddenly pulled a face.

"That's a pretty huge age gap, don't you think? How're you going with that, courting someone who is old enough to be your great great great great grandmother?"

Edmund's eyes lit up, he grinned wickedly and he looked more like a fourteen year old than the legendary king he really was. "Talk about robbing the cradle."

Caspian was confused. "Who's robbing what?"

Edmund laughed louder, "It's a figure of speech." He said and left it at that.

As they walked back to the How, Caspian listened to Edmunds constant litany of warnings and jibes, taking it all in good nature. It felt rather...nice, even though the jibes were getting on his nerves and the younger boy did not seem to ever shut up. It felt familiar, friendly, brotherly.

"You'll have to deal with her mood swings. And don't even get me started on her freakish obsessive compulsive behaviour when it comes to clothes. And you know what? The best course of action for when she's in a foul mood is to run. That's what Peter and I did for years – still do - just run for it and hopefully by the time she's caught up with you, she'll have run out of steam. You'll be even worse off than us! You shouldn't have taught her how to use self defence against you, she'll be horrid! Specially if you don't eat your vegies – it's best just to do what she says. Kind of like - yes Susan, no Susan, whatever you say Susan. Got it?"

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It had been a brief week of delightful happiness, pretending that all was well and that there was nothing more troublesome out there than wondering where to take her on their evening walk. But now...

The challenge had been sent.

Caspian stood in solemn silence and watched the two kings of old. Edmund was carefully helping Peter suit up in his armour. The brothers were tense, yet Edmund moved around his brother with ease and efficiency. It struck Caspian that they had done this before, many times before. Edmund tightened straps and pushed armour into place with speed and precision. He knew just how tight the pieces had to be. He knew exactly where the breast plate was to sit, where the armguards were tightened. Peter was silent, surveying his younger brother with quiet intensity. Caspian felt slightly like he was intruding, even though Peter had asked him here. Finally Edmund finished and stepped back. He sighed and stared up at his brother. Caspian could see Edmund's worry and anxiousness etched on every line of the young boy's face. Peter smiled at his younger brother, trying to raise his spirits. Edmund frowned, not fooled by Peter's attempt.

"Your blessing, brother." Peter finally said, bowing his head and breaking his brother's fierce stare.

Solemnly Edmund raised his left hand and placed it upon his brother's golden hair.

"May my faith uphold you, may my love guide you, may my loyalty sustain you. Thou art blessed in the name of the Just." Edmund said. He then lifted his right hand to join the left.

"By Aslan's will, may you bring his fury and justice against Narnia's enemies on this day. Serve your country High King as she has dutifully served you. Thou art blessed in Aslan's name."

"In Aslan's name." Peter murmured, raising his eyes once again.

Edmund handed Peter his sword solemnly. Peter buckled Rhindon at his waist. The clip was barely fastened before Edmund had grabbed his older brother in a crushing hug.

"Stay safe Peter! No unnecessary risks, no stupid chivalry, remember when you were injured by the giants? That was because you didn't fight dirty enough to match them. Miraz isn't going to fight fair, neither must you!"

Peter chuckled into his brother's hair. "Brother, I must fight in the way which I was taught by our General Oreius. No other way is befitting of the High King of Narnia, you know that, even if you prefer street fighting."

There was a hesitant cough from the door. They looked up to see a faun, dressed in battle armour.

"We're assembled, Majesties."

Peter took a deep breath and nodded to the faun. Edmund released his older brother.

"I'll rally them." He said.

Peter placed his hands on either side of Edmund's face. Gently he lowered his head and pressed a light kiss to the crown of Edmund's dark hair.

"Be safe." He whispered.

"Stay strong." His brother returned and reluctantly slipped from Peter's grasp.

There was a tense moment after he departed, Peter stared at the empty doorway with unfocused eyes. Caspian shifted, feeling rather uncomfortable in the presence of King Peter, who had punched him to the floor not that long ago for taking up with Susan. He cleared his throat.

"I'll ah – follow them then, you don't need me here."

"Caspian."

Caspian paused at the door and turned. Peter's head was downcast, his shoulders slightly hunched.

"I – just in case, you know – wanted to apologise."

"What?"

"For getting angry with you, about the raid," Peter chuckled darkly. "Sorry for lots of things, really."

"You're not going to die –"

Peter raised his eyes and took a small step towards Caspian, his blue eyes wide and slightly wild.

"_But there is every chance I will._ If I die, promise me you'll get them out. " Caspian didn't need to ask who they were. "If you have any regard for me as High King, promise me you will get them out."

"I promise" He could do nothing else in the face of the High King's anxious agitation. Peter ran a hand through his hair and tugged at the roots fiercely.

"Ed will want to fight; he'll want to avenge me. _Don't let him_, if he loses his temper he loses all of his skill with a blade, he'll be killed. Lucy will cry, and _then _she'll fight. _Don't let her._ Lucy's forgotten that her body isn't as strong and big as it once was. She was a warrior Queen once upon a time. Susan will go into shock. She'll bottle everything up, saving it for later. She'll continue on as if nothing has happened, until one day something sets her off. You've seen what the consequences of that particular trait are first hand, _so don't let her."_

"I understand."

Peter exhaled deeply and twisted his grip on his sword. Finally he gave Caspian a small smile.

"I know we haven't exactly got on, I know I've been a bit stupid –"

" -no-"

"-_yes_, I have. Lucy was right, I'd forgotten who brought us here in the first place. I'd forgotten who placed me on my throne, who gives me strength and knowledge."

Peter reached out and solemnly grasped Caspian by the shoulder.

"I don't know if you'll take any advice from me. But if there is one thing I would pass on to the next king of Narnia, it would be to always have faith in Aslan."

Caspian's dark eyes were troubled. "How can I have Faith in what I don't know? I don't even know Him."

Peter's hand tightened on his shoulder, almost uncomfortably so.

"Yes you do, we all do in some way, perhaps not right in the front of your mind, but he's there. When you do get to see him, you'll finally see how stupid I was to forget him, to turn my back. Don't make my mistakes again Caspian."

He had to ask, he had to know. "Do you really believe they will find him?"

Peter's eyes were hard, his jaw set. "I believe that Lucy's faith can move mountains, that her love for him is the most solid and real thing that I have ever encountered. He will find them."

"And do you believe he will help us, that he will help you?"

Peter smiled and nodded once. "I do." He turned slightly away from Caspian, letting the shadows hide his eyes. "But I'm only human and so I fear the unknown. I tremble at the thought of my country and my family at the hands of your uncle. That is why I have asked you to get them out."

"Yes, yes I will, I promised."

"I am giving you the most precious things that I have. I am entrusting you with Narnia's judge, her spirit and her jewel. I am entrusting you with my brother and sisters."

It seemed like the conversation was over. Peter let go of Caspian's shoulders and walked past the young Prince. Caspian had to know, it burned his mind, because even if Peter had been obnoxious and rude, he had also been wise and loving. He was the High King of Narnia. If his opinion didn't matter, whose did?

"Do you think I am ready? To be king?"

Peter turned his head, cocking it to the side slightly.

"Caspian, the only thing more precious to me than my people and my country, is my family. If I am entrusting them to you, then of course I believe that you will be a good ruler. A great one even, if you follow Aslan and always attempt to do what is right."

"Really?"

"Really. Narnia could not be in better hands. Neither could my sister."

Caspian's face flamed and Peter grinned. There was a roar of voices from over head. Peter's smile disappeared.

"That's Ed, rallying the troops. Right." He said, setting his jaw. "Let's get this party started." He turned and strode out of the room, clanking slightly in his silver armour.

Caspian followed him. "Party? I cannot imagine anything less like a party."

Peter snorted with abrupt laughter. "It's a figure of speech."

"Like robbing the cradle?'

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Okay! So I kind of got distracted while writing this chapter, I saw the trailer for twilight and went, hey I might read that, it kinda looks alright. Um, the ladies at my local book store were laughing at me because within the space of two days I returned four times to buy the next books in the series...marathon reading session, my eyes hurt afterwards.

Lol anyway, one more chapter after this and then it's done...I swear..... on to whatever pops up next. Still the same thing as before, tell me what you like, what you don't.....I love hearing from you.


	5. Chapter 5

Characters are still not mine.

Last chapter

You all knew it was coming – the goodbye. I've mucked around with both movie and bookverse during this whole thing, but just a warning that the order of events for their goodbye is slightly out, if you're a die-hard movie verse reader.

Hope you still enjoy.

Crimson.

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Aslan spoke often to Peter, sometimes for hours at a time. Occasionally, Caspian felt jealous when he spotted the High King with the Lion, but Peter's expression was always so grim when he walked with the Lion that Caspian was content to let Aslan keep his distance. He wanted nothing to destroy the joy which pulsed within him. He had never been as content as he was now with her.

......................................................................................................................................................

.....................................................................................................................................................

Peter and Edmund were arguing over many pieces of parchment on which the plans for restoration of Aslan's How were sketched. Peter was fierce in his need to rebuild the sacred spot. Edmund, ever practical, was more worried about the integration of two very different societies.

"Caspian agrees with me – don't you Caspian?"

Caspian turned to find Peter looking at him expectantly. "Er – repeat the question please?" he asked sheepishly. Edmund sighed in disgust and pushed the papers away.

"It's no use talking to him Peter, Su's got him so wrapped around her little finger that she's all he's thinking about these days."

Peter laughed. "Give the boy a break; he doesn't have our years of experience in dealing with women."

Caspian snorted with surprise. "Years of experience?"

"We're older than we look!" Edmund defended, smirking at the Prince.

"History does not speak of your conquests! Where are your wives then?" Caspian challenged.

His laughter died in his throat as the jesting conversation suddenly fell flat. Caspian stared at their solemn faces, uncomprehending. Edmund sighed and there was a quick exchange of glances between him and his older brother which Caspian did not understand. He looked to Peter, taking in his clenched fists and white knuckles, before turning back to Edmund. Slowly, Edmund placed down his eagle feather quill and crossed his arms.

"I never got around to asking her, so no, no wife." Edmund paused and eyed Peter. "Pete was engaged."

Peter let out a long breath and purposefully loosened his hands, throwing down his own quill. "For a grand total of three days. I hadn't even got around to making the announcement before we got wind of the white stag."

"History does not remember they who stood behind us. But they were left behind, none the less." Edmund said.

"The myths, the legends, they all speak of a lifetime." Peter met Caspian's eyes, his jaw set grimly. "We know better than most what a lifetime entails."

There was a long silence. Caspian shook his head. He absolutely refused to understand what they were telling him. Edmund was staring at him, his dark eyes understanding. Peter stood up from his chair and strode to the window.

"I loved her, very much. But we were from different worlds." He turned around and met Caspian's eyes steadily. "Who knows how long we are given this time? A week more, five years, two days?"

Caspian's heart thumped painfully, he forced a laugh.

"Is this some sort of grand plan to break us apart? Some kind of save our sister from the dastardly Prince plot? What of the speeches of acceptance I received not even three days ago?" he asked.

"No it's not that. We weren't even going to say anything - it's just - _we _would have liked a warning," Peter met Edmund's eyes solemnly, "in order to say goodbye. We respect you enough that we'd like to give you that."

Caspian felt his world tilt. Peter was so sure, Edmund was so convinced.

But No, he didn't care what they thought. It wouldn't happen. Susan and he would have forever. He would not allow anything other than that.

"I won't let her go." He vowed.

"You won't have a choice." Edmund replied.

Abruptly, Caspian stood, glaring at the brother's solemn faces. He could see that they were only trying to warn him. But he wouldn't listen. He refused to believe it would happen that way again. He strode from the room, his ears ringing with their quiet words.

He glanced back and saw Edmund rise to stand at his brother's side, clasping his shoulder. The two teens had never looked more like grown men, their heads bowed, shoulders hunched.

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Surely Susan would agree with him, he thought, several hours later. Surely she would fight with him for their future. Surely she would tell him that Aslan could not be so cruel.

He found her sitting, illuminated by moonlight, outside the castle walls and nestled in the long grass. He opened his mouth to hail her. Someone beat him to it.

"Susan."

It was Peter, his broad form folded itself until he was sitting by his sister's side. Susan leaned against his shoulder.

"Aslan has been speaking with me." Peter said after a quiet moment.

"I know." Susan didn't move her head or look at her brother.

"He wants to speak to you."

"I know."

"Why don't you come when he calls you?" Peter question was slightly disapproving in tone.

Susan sighed. "Because I don't want to hear what I know he will say."

"And how do you know what he will say?"

"I can see it in your eyes, Peter. You've never been good at hiding your worry for me."

Peter huffed with annoyance, but did not rebuke her statement. "You can't deny Aslan's will."

"I know. I'm just stalling, I need time."

They were silent for a long time.

Finally, Peter said hesitantly. "I know you like him Su, but perhaps it would be better if you started to distance yourself now."

Susan raised her head to glare at her brother. "Would you have distanced yourself? Or would you have held her tighter in those last days, kissed her longer, told her how much she meant to you?"

Peter's silence spoke clearly.

"Don't ask me to do something you yourself could not have done." Susan chided.

Peter ran a hand through his hair sheepishly. "I'm sorry, I just worry, you know that. It's just - he's helped you so much - you've come so far, I'm worried that you'll revert back to what you were before."

"I won't"

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because it would seem an insult to his memory, to rip apart what he healed."

"It won't be as easy as all that."

"I know." She turned her head to smile weakly at her brother. "But at least I'll have you and Ed and Lu. He won't have anyone."

Caspian stepped back, away from their spot. Then he was taking another step and then he was running.

_He won't have anyone._

Yes, yes he would. He would have _her_, he wouldn't let her go.

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Suddenly, he could see the deeper meaning behind everything they did together. There was a muted desperation in the way that she clung to him. There was an echo of the eminent pain that thudded in each pulse of his heart. Each of her touches lingered. Each of her kisses searched deeper.

He didn't want to believe it. He _wouldn't _believe it. Aslan would not be so cruel.

It became his mantra.

Aslan would not be so cruel.

He tickled her to relieve her frowns. He hugged her to raise her spirits. He spoke freely of their lives in the future. Always together.

Aslan would not be so cruel.

His heart thudded painfully as she laughed. His fingers twisted in her hair as she sighed.

Aslan would not be so cruel.

When he could not snap her out of one of her moods or when her lips became a little to desperate against his, he would turn a blind eye. It was nothing, not related to their leaving. It was girl problems. _Anything_ except that which made his heart skip a beat.

Aslan would not be so cruel.

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They had escaped, just for a few minutes, from the dark halls of the Telmarine castle where Peter and Edmund had commandeered the Lord's council chambers to begin merging the two countries. He really ought to be there, so should she, for that matter. But right now, he was on a mission to secure her by his side. Forever.

Settling down in the eastern gardens, he pulled her into his arms and she leaned against his chest without a complaint, her head resting on his shoulder.

"I have something for you." He said softly into her ear, pressing a kiss there.

"Hmmm?" her fingers brushed along his arms.

"A gift from the King of Telmar and Narnia to the Kings and Queens of old."

She smiled, her eyes bright. "What could you possibly give us, after restoring peace to our land? What could top that?"

He chuckled and from his pocket pulled a small slab of marble and placed it within her hands. He could feel her confusion. Her long fingers turned the rock over in her palms.

"Do you recognise it?"

She peered up at him. "Should I?"

He smiled. "I recovered it from a place which is pivotal to Narnia's history."

Her breath suddenly caught in her throat. Gently her fingers ran over the smooth surface.

"Cair Paravel. It's marble."

"Correct." He tucked a strand of hair behind her small ear. "I am rebuilding your castle."

She turned in his arms to stare at his face with wide eyes. "Rebuilding the Cair? Why?"

He nodded, amused at her astonishment. "I thought, perhaps, that you might like living there better than in the dark halls of Miraz's castle."

"_Living_ there -?" He cut off her protest with a quick kiss to her soft lips.

She pushed him away gently, her eyes wide. "Caspian, I don't –"

He ignored her stubborn protestations. "Susan, what I want most, is for you to be happy. Together we will be rebuilding Narnia, lighting the darkest vestiges of our people's history. Won't you just say thank you?"

She let out a long breath, her brows furrowed. Finally she smiled at him weakly. "Thank you. My people will surely rejoice when their castle is restored to them."

"And you?"

"I will rejoice only when my people are content."

They were silent. Susan's face was pinched slightly, a worried frown pulling at her lips.

He blundered ahead, aware that it could potentially hurt but thinking that perhaps _this_ if nothing else, might keep her by his side.

"Well to complete their contentment, I think we should give them a reason to celebrate."

"A festival?" She seemed to perk out of her dark contemplative mood.

"No. A _wedding,_ Susan." He heard the emphasis in his own voice and waited for her reaction.

"Whose wedding?"

He grasped her hands tightly and lifted her chin to stare into her wide eyes. "Do you not understand? Ours. Our wedding."

For a long moment she seemed frozen and then she jerked out of his arms, spinning to face him. She appeared panicked, her eyes wide. "You're asking me to marry you?" she squeaked.

"Yes, I want you by my side, Forever!"

"I can't promise forever, Caspian."

"Why not?"

"You know why!"

"No! No I do not! Don't you want to stay? Don't you want to believe that you can?"

Her eyes were anguished, but it seemed the words would not come. She shook her head weakly, her fingers twisting together in her lap.

"Susan? Do you love me?"

"Yes." It was the quietest of whispers.

"Then do not despair. We will have months, years, our whole lives. Aslan would not be so cruel to us."

She hesitated and then turned her bleak eyes away from him.

"For all that you did to help me during my time of need, you're doing the exact thing that I did, Caspian."

"What?"

"You're hiding from the truth. You don't want to face our separation. Believe me, you're only making it harder on yourself."

"I am not hiding! We will not be separated!" he could hear that his own voice was laced with desperation and irrational anger.

Wordlessly, she grasped his fingers tightly and brought them to her lips.

"We won't be parted." He vowed to her, willing her to believe it. She smiled weakly and averted her eyes.

"Of course."

.....................................................................................................................................................

......................................................................................................................................................

Time passed. He was crowned. They walked amongst the first walls of the New Cair.

Aslan would not be so cruel.

He had said it so often, that he had begun to believe it.

So when he was told by a faun to gather the people, in Aslan's name, he had become secure in her presence, so it did not create fear in his heart as it should.

When he went to find her and Edmund gave him a smile and a shrug and said she had gone walking with Peter, it was not an unusual occurrence, so it did not create fear in his heart as it should.

When he found her, Aslan between her and her brother, he had learnt to trust in the Lion, so it did not create fear in his heart as it should.

When she turned to him, tears in her eyes, her fingers clenched in the Lion's mane...it took a few moments for the smile on his face to melt away.

_No._

Caspian stared at her resigned face. He blinked and the rose tinted glasses he had been stubbornly clinging to were torn from his eyes. He could no longer pretend. His fairytale had just been shattered in a million pieces. His fingers began to tremble, his brain whirled, the earth spun.

It was only the Lion's eyes which kept him from screaming. Their golden depths were full of regret and pain.

Aslan _could_ be so cruel

Peter coughed in the strained silence. "I'll give you a minute then." He touched Susan's arm briefly as he left, his fingers squeezing his support. Aslan took a rumbling breath, nudging his nose into Susan's limp hand. She smiled briefly at his ticklish whiskers, but her face was quick to fall as the Lion pulled away.

"We will await your arrival, Queen Susan."

She stared after the Aslan, not wanting to meet Caspian's gaze, not wanting to proceed with the goodbye.

"Now?" Caspian asked her in a flat voice, breaking the silence.

Susan turned to him and nodded minutely. "Yes."

Her answer tore the air from his lungs, ripped through his last shred of composure. Not even a day to say goodbye. Not even three hours to touch her delicate face. Not even fifteen minutes to kiss her sweet lips.

"Aslan has said –" she licked her dry lips and breathed deeply. "-Aslan has said that Peter and I won't be coming back to Narnia, ever."

"Ever?"

"It is Aslan's will." She raised her head to meet his eyes and he finally saw the tears running down her cheeks. It was only as he noticed hers, that he realised his own cheeks were damp.

Never again.

Before his eyes, it was as if her image wavered, caught between two realities. It was in his head of course, but he needed to touch her, needed to make sure that she was real, that it had not been a very elaborate, very wonderful dream.

He reached out and grasped her hand. Her fingers in his were warm; the tears in her eyes were diamonds. A breeze lifted strands of her dark hair and whipped them across his face; he revelled in their soft caress. Her creamy skin was bright in the noon sun, her endearing freckles stood out in contrast. His eyes darted over her face, the rest of his body it seemed, had frozen in denial.

Never again.

He tried so very hard to memorise her. So very hard to make sure he would never forget. He felt tears well up and over his eyes. Seeing his despair only heightened her own, she struggled to remain strong.

"I'm sorry." It was her frail words which awakened his body and he suddenly pulled her to him desperately.

"No _I'm_ sorry. If I hadn't been so stubborn, we could have had longer to say –" he couldn't _say_ the word.

So instead, he kissed her fiercely and for a moment she yielded to his touch before pulling away. Desperately she wiped at her cheeks and attempted to rein her emotions. She smiled at him, trying to make this bearable, but her smile wobbled and her cheeks were wet again instantly.

"Listen to me, you'll find another."

Even before she had finished the sentence, his head had begun to shake negative, begging her to stop that line of thought.

"There will never be another." He swore vehemently, pulling her back into his arms, and tucking his head into her curls. "No one will ever compare to you in my heart."

Susan sighed deeply. Gently she rested her head on his chest, her hands grasping his vest tightly. She was quiet a moment, taking deep breaths, their exhalation tickling his neck.

"I will follow you." He said to her, pulling back and grasping her small face between his large hands. It was a wild plan, a wish only destined to be unfulfilled. "I will beg Aslan to let me go with you."

"And what will happen to the Telmarines and Narnians?" she rebuked him gently, her hands rising to cover his on her face. "Would you desert your people for the whims of your heart?"

He wanted to say yes, yes, he would abandon them, but the part of his heart which could only ever belong to his country tugged at him viciously. As a man, yes, he could desert his country. As a King, no, he could not.

He could not leave. She could not stay.

His brain felt like soft cotton, his limbs heavy around her. He would never see her again. Ever. It was taking everything he had just to comprehend that fact.

"What will I do without you? I have no one." He whispered brokenly, pulling her closer and pressing desperate butterfly kisses across her damp skin.

She was silent moment and then suddenly pulled away, slipping their intertwined hands from her face and holding them tightly to her heart. He could feel the racing beat of her pulse under his finger tips.

"I'll tell you what will happen." Her voice shook, but she blinked back her tears to stare at him with conviction.

"At first it will seem, as you open your eyes that first day after I am gone, that your heart could not simply bear continuing. But you will make your feet get out of the bed. You will stand, get dressed and put on your crown. You will push through the days, even though they seem to drag forever, grey and cloudy, even when the sun shines hourly."

He wasn't even aware he was shaking his head. Her words had started to unfreeze the panic which threatened to overwhelm.

"Yes- listen to me – You will eat your breakfast, hold parliament, sit on your throne, answer letters from Archenland. During the day you will focus on everything you can possibly think of other than me. But every night, when you are alone and not able to distract yourself, I will haunt your dreams. My smile, my touch, you'll relive every single moment we shared." She took a deep breath and he pretended not to hear the shudder of her tears.

She stroked his cheek. "And then one day, you will wake up and realise that something is different. It will take about three seconds for you to realise that you didn't dream of me that night. You'll be horrified and desperately try and remember everything all over. But gradually, during the days that follow that first, you will realise that many hours go by when you don't think of me at all." One of her hands drifted up to tangle in his hair gently. "Gradually, I will become nothing more than a fond memory. A first love, warped by time, shaped by emotion."

"No I won't forget, I won't" He said it fiercely, pledging it's truth and denying it was a useless oath. He knew as well as she did that time warped, changed, moved forwards relentlessly.

"I'll still be there" she said, touching his chest where his heart beat painfully, "and I will take comfort in that fact, but I will not be forefront."

"How do you know it is so?"

"Because, that is what happened to me when I left Narnia that first time and returned to England."

She was calm now, stoic for him, because his whole body shook like a leaf in the wind. He clung to her as a dying man in the sea might cling to a raft.

"Will you not miss me at all?"

For a moment her face screwed up in pain and a single tear trickled down her left cheek. She let him wipe it away gently as she struggled to regain control of herself.

"I will miss you for many nights a thousand days and unlimited hours."

Desperate strength surged through his limbs. "Then fight for us! Come, we will petition Aslan together." He released her and strode two paces, dragging her with him. Her reluctance hindered him and he turned to face her once again, impatience and panic threatening to take away his civility.

"Do I mean so little that you will not fight?"

"No, it's just – I cannot deny Aslan's will. Even though I may desire nothing more than to stay here, it is his will that I return to my home. You may not understand right now, but Aslan is not just a magical Lion. He's bigger than you could ever think he is. I simply cannot deny Him." She replied softly.

Caspian stared at her.

Never again.

He could do nothing. He was not strong enough. He was not powerful enough. He would never see her again.

"I love you. I always will." He said to her fiercely. Defeat coursed through him as he pulled her into his chest. He buried his nose in her dark curls and inhaled deeply.

Never Again.

"As I love you. Forever." She replied, her soft breath sending shivers down his spine.

"Susan!" Peter was standing at the top of the steps. Susan took a deep breath and began to pull away. Panic made Caspian's fingers grasp her tighter still.

"Not yet!" he pleaded.

Susan paused and turned back to him. Gently she reached out and framed his face in her warm hands. She pressed one soft kiss to his lips with the lightest of touches. "Peace, King Caspian. In time, all will be well."

Her soft voice, full of conviction was the only thing which made him walk towards the High King. Her fingers, still within his were the only thing which controlled the upheaval within.

Please, Please, Please, Aslan could not be so cruel. Though the mantra was useless, he still said it out of habit, out of desperation. He clutched her fingers tighter. _Please._

He said something, something about Telmarines and Narnians living in peace. He had no idea how his mouth formed words, no idea how his brain worked past the fog long enough to sound coherent. He had a feeling Aslan had something to do with it. The Lion's eyes never left him, and even though Caspian was fighting resentment towards the King of Kings, he gravitated towards the calm and strength that Aslan provided.

"We'll go." Peter finally said. The crowd gasped, Caspian's heart sank. He had been hoping, praying with all of his heart that it was all a nightmare or that it was all a cruel horrible joke.

But then the High King was approaching him and solemnly handing out the legendary Rhindon, clasping him in a brief one armed hug.

"I'll look after her. It will get easier. _Trust me_." Peter murmured into his ear softly. Caspian could only nod jerkily. Lucy hugged him fiercely and for a brief moment, his pain was even more acute. He was losing _all _of them. He hugged Lucy back even tighter than she grasped him. Edmund gave him a brief handshake and a shoulder numbing punch.

"Thanks, for everything" Edmund muttered, his eyes briefly moving to Susan and then back to Caspian, bright with gratitude.

Then she came to stand before him. He struggled with words.

"I wish we had more time." He choked. She struggled with an answer, her hands twisting in her beautiful blue and white skirts.

"It wouldn't have worked out anyway." She finally said softly, giving him a small smile. Her lips trembled, eyes darting to the crowd briefly.

"Why not?" A different kind of pain surged through him. Surely she would not leave him with such a callous remark?

"I am thirteen hundred years older than you. Edmund's accused me of robbing the cradle."

Caspian vaguely heard Edmund's cough and Peter's snort of laughter.

But then she was retreating, turning away from him and he was frozen, unable to do anything except watch her walk away. Susan hesitated. Caspian's heart leapt. She whirled around and threw herself back into his arms. He didn't think of the crowd, he didn't think of her brothers, he kissed her desperately and without reservation. This would be their last.

All too soon, she pulled away, trailing her soft fingers across his jaw. Her blue eyes were dark with emotion.

"Goodbye, King Caspian, favoured of Queen Susan." She whispered. He could no longer reply. His voice was grasped by the same dark feeling of uselessness which curled its fingers around his heart and squeezed greedily.

Caspian could feel the weighty stares of the crowd. He could feel the deep penetrating gaze of Aslan.

Slowly, Peter disappeared.

She did not look back. He was glad she did not. The King would not have been able to stop the man from throwing their body after her through the tree.

He watched until the last glimmer of her was gone from his world.

He watched until the crowd around him began to disperse.

He watched until the sun set and through the tree's arms he could see the beautiful Narnian sky.

He watched until he fell asleep and could finally be at peace, in her arms once again.

......................................................................................................................................................

A week passed.

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Then two.

......................................................................................................................................................

Three.

......................................................................................................................................................

Four.

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As she had said, every night he dreamed of her touch. Every night he spoke to her in his dreams. Each morning it was a challenge to drag himself out of his silken sheets and put on his crown. But he persisted. Because he could not abandon his people.

He wrote letters of greetings to Archenland and carefully worded treaties to Calormene. He sent search parties into the hills to find the hidden Narnian's who still resided there in fear.

She would have liked that.

One thing, though, he was sure she would not have approved of. He had been avoiding the great Lion.

His feelings fluctuated daily, tipping from one end of the scale to the other with no warning. He hated the Lion. Yet he needed him, needed his strength and his comfort. He seethed against the injustice, yet he understood that some things were out of his control.

He was sitting forlornly on his balcony, gazing upon the country he had chosen over his heart, when suddenly he was quite aware that he was not alone. Aslan's great paws made hardly a sound as he shifted next to the King of Narnia. For the longest time, they said nothing.

"She would have been my Queen." His voice sounded harsh, accusing in the dark.

Aslan's reply was mild. "She already was a Queen."

Caspian's anger stirred. "But she would have been _Mine."_

Aslan's rebuke was calm. "No, Caspian, She always has and always will be _Mine._"

Caspian fought for a way to remain angry when the Lion's very presence seemed to do nothing but calm him.

"I love her."

"You cannot even begin to comprehend my love for her, dear one."

He wanted to deny it, wanted to shout, wanted to prove that he had loved her more than anyone ever would. But something immense in the Lion's golden eyes made him quieten.

"Why did you have to take her?" he asked softly, his anger disappearing in favour of his pain.

"I cannot tell you any story but your own."

"Then why did you have to take her from ME?"

Aslan chuckled briefly before nudging Caspian's hand with his nose, urging the King to pet him softly. "Sometimes, I must do things which pain me deeply. Sometimes I must intervene in the lives of men in order to set things on the path which must be."

"So we were always destined to be apart. We were doomed from the beginning. What was the point?"

"The point?" Caspian was almost curled up against Aslan by now, his fingers combing through His mane.

"You helped a woman in her time of need. You set her free from her past, liberated her from her memories and pain. In return, she taught you much. She taught you the delicacy of a woman, the dedication needed to make a relationship work. Tell me you will settle for any woman who behaves anything less than a Queen. Tell me that she did not teach you patience and gentleness, that she did not humble you and teach you to evaluate yourself as not just a King, but as a man. She taught you much Caspian, just as you taught her." Aslan pressed his nose to Caspian's forehead. "Now ask me again, what was the point?"

Caspian was silent. He sat entirely within Aslan's paws by now, his head leaning against his chest. "Will it get easier?"

"Did she not tell you it would?" Aslan's reply rumbled through Caspian's body.

"Yes."

"And do you not trust her word?"

"It just hurts – so much."

"Yes, dear one, it does."

"I miss her."

"I know. But her memory comforts you, does it not? Or would you rather you had never met her?"

"No! I would not give those moments for anything."

'Then remember them with joy, not sadness. It will take time, but in the future, the pain will not be so raw, the hurt will be bearable."

It was peaceful, here in the Lion's arms. Like nothing was too big to overcome, nothing was too small to be inconsequential. Caspian sighed deeply. "I know you will not tell another's story. But Aslan, will she be happy? Will she be ok?"

Aslan breathed and it was more like a soft warm breeze which lifted his hair and brought the sweet smells of summer than a Lion's breath. "Susan will face many trials, as will you, dear one. She will wander from the path I have chosen. But have faith. For once a King or Queen of Narnia –"

"Always a King or Queen of Narnia." Caspian whispered, his small voice just a tiny undercurrent in the great Lion's rumblings.

Finally content, exhausted and emotional, King Caspian the Tenth curled up within the Lion's paws and rested.

He was not alone. He never would be.

If no one else, he had Aslan.

That was enough.

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End

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Wow, so the end. It once again turned out way longer than I planned. I contemplated splitting it but didn't in the end. Most other author's chapters are around 2000 – 2500 words, does anyone have an opinion on my chapter lengths? Especially this one. Too long, too short?

Anyway, thanks to all those who kept reading, especially those who took the time to review. It's only a very small portion of people who read who actually take the time to review so I thank those people very much for their written support.

Crimson.


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